


A Stain That Never Comes Out

by STARSdidathing



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Affection, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Murder, Light Angst, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, Loki Has Issues, Loki Needs a Hug, M/M, Moral Ambiguity, Pain, Revelations, Serial Killers, Tony Feels, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-29 23:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8510890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/STARSdidathing/pseuds/STARSdidathing
Summary: Some secrets should always stay buried. Loki was hoping to hide his so carefully that no one would ever discover them. That Tony would never find out, because if Tony knew the truth then Loki would never be able to keep his lover by his side. He knew that if Tony realised what he was, Loki would be unable to hold onto the two things in life that he needed the most.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo, this is _slightly_ messed up. Or rather, _ambiguous_. Or, idk. But here there be angst and feels and people doing bad things and being broken. It's a real treat! You should read it ;P

Loki was folding clothes on the bed when Tony came home. Tony's heart was beating wildly and he kept his keys in his hand. He had fucking _mace_ in his hand even when he hoped he wouldn’t need it - when he hoped he was _wrong_.

He made his way to the bedroom door and stayed hovering there, staring at his lover’s back. He swallowed thickly before asking, “Is it you?”

Loki glanced over his shoulder, frowning and stopping his movements when he noticed how tense Tony was, how pale. He turned to face him. “Is what me?”

“The serial killer.”

Loki blinked, slowly, but he otherwise didn’t react.

They’d been together a year, they’d fit so fucking well together and Tony _loved_ him. And it was all it took - that one motion for Tony to know.

“Don’t lie to me,” Tony demanded before Loki could speak, his voice harsh and his fist tightening on his keys. “Is it you?”

He could see the different answers in Loki’s head; the lies and the truth fighting for dominance. When he finally answered, it was with eyes that wouldn’t meet Tony’s. “They’re criminals. All of them,” he replied roughly, _confessed_ quietly. “I never touch people who don’t deserve it. They’re all people who you wouldn’t…” he swallowed. “They’re all worse than me.”

“When you come home late from work,” Tony asked harshly, “When you _fuck me_ like you’ve just had a hit from some kind of drug. Had you just…”

Loki’s eyes shifted guiltily and not quite ashamed. 

“I tried to stop,” Loki admitted, “when we first got together. I did try.” He took a hesitant step forward, but when Tony just stiffened even further he grimaced and stepped backwards instead. “But I…” he looked away. “I _can’t_.”

“You’ve been killing people the whole time I’ve known you,” Tony whispered, unsure what to feel other than numb and a little horrified. He hadn’t wanted to believe even when he’d… when he’d _known_. When the pieces had fallen into place and he hadn’t been able to reverse that realisation.

“Please, Tony.” Loki didn’t try to reach for him, but his eyes were desperate and his face anguished. “Please just… I would _never_ hurt you. Just…”

He trailed off, not seeming to know what to ask for – or possibly, not sure what to ask for that Tony would _accept_.

“You said you stopped,” Tony murmured. “When did you - how _long_ did you?”

Loki’s eyes shifted. “I don’t… it’s not _often_ that I do it, but I… a few months after dating you. I knew you wouldn’t… that I couldn’t if I wanted to have...” He swallowed and wouldn’t meet Tony’s eyes. “It was six months.”

Tony didn’t have to take long to calculate it. “When you almost broke up with me.”

“I couldn’t have you _both_ ,” Loki hissed before running a hand through his hair. “I knew you would never-” He gritted his teeth and looked away. “You showed up. And I…”

“That was the first time we fucked like that,” Tony’s eyes had gotten wider. “Had you _just_ killed someone?”

Loki recoiled at the accusation, his shoulders hunching even as he gave a tight nod while staring at the ground. “I couldn’t… go back, not after… that. I couldn't give you up, I love you, Tony, I just... I can't _stop_. These people are criminals, rapists, murders-”

"And murdering people yourself is _different?”_

“They don’t _stop_ ,” Loki told him, “not when the system works for them, not when-”

“You tell yourself this to make it _better_ ,” Tony hissed. “To make what you do something other than _mass murder_.”

Loki deflated, there was no other word for it. His shoulders slumped and he stared at the ground, looking like all his strings had suddenly been cut. “You’re right. I…” He was blinking his eyes rapidly. “I’m sorry I lied to you, sorry I t-touched you. I didn’t… you can leave, whenever you want, you can… confess who I am.” His voice was barely audible when he spoke his next words, “I just wanted a chance to love you. I’m sorry.”

Tony’s heart ached, it pulled so hard in his chest that it made him feel like there was a weight there, just seconds away from caving him in. Loki look so devastated and heartbroken and he had never seen his lover look like that.

He took a halting step forward and Loki heard it, he looked up with pained eyes that couldn’t hide how hard he was trying to keep them dry. Tony swallowed thickly. He wanted to ask why he did it but Tony wasn’t sure he could - wasn’t sure if he could _take_ the answer to that yet. 

_It’s only criminals, even the news admits that, only ever criminals and why he has to – why he needs to…_

Tony kept shuffling closer, still feeling tense and like he was a second away from bolting, but Loki never moved. He looked like he wanted to, like every second he remained still was slowly killing him, but he _didn’t move_.

“You tried to stop so that you could keep me?”

Loki nodded sharply and while it still wasn’t anywhere near enough, it was something. Loki’s next response also helped make Tony’s next step easier. “If I can… if you’ll stay with me, I wi-” Loki gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. “I can _try_. But if I…” he swallowed, “if I can’t - I’ll tell you. I’ll… you won’t have to t-touch me or s-stay if I can’t-”

Tony brought the hand that wasn’t holding his keys forward and lightly touched Loki’s shoulder. It made Loki’s eyes fly wide open and when Tony quirked a slightly pained, but still soft smile, Loki let out a shaky breath and brought up a very slow, tentative hand to touch Tony’s shoulder in return.

His hand felt light, like Loki was barely putting any pressure on him. He looked ready to retract it at the slightest request, but Tony couldn’t... fuck, he _loved_ Loki and he couldn’t keep watching him break like this. He couldn’t keep holding himself apart. Tony could have run from the start, told the police and broken all ties, but he’d come _back_. 

He’d _asked_ Loki even when he knew that Loki could kill him (but Tony had never thought he would, not really, not once) and he still couldn’t... it couldn’t go back to what it was between them, not now, maybe not ever, but...

Tony slid his hand to Loki’s neck and Loki’s eyes fluttered. Tony encouraged him, just a little to come down, not in a kiss, he couldn’t... he couldn’t do that yet. But Loki knew the difference and he buried his face in Tony’s neck. The hand on Tony’s shoulder slid to his back and when Tony didn’t pull back, Loki’s other hand hesitantly came to join it.

When he wasn’t rebuffed, Loki’s nails dug in, clinging to the fabric and Tony as he breathed roughly into Tony’s neck. He held him as close as Tony would allow while Tony just stared at the wall behind his lover’s back.

“Please,” Loki whispered against his neck, “give me a chance. I’ll stop, I’ll sleep on the couch, I’ll... we won’t touch, not if you don’t want to, just let me stay with you. I’ll show you, I’ll... I promise I’ll do my best to s-stop.”

Tony’s eyes closed and he breathed deeply and slowly for a minute. He could feel Loki get tenser against him with every second he didn’t reply, but he couldn’t just answer, he had to _think_. He thought about Loki, about their year together as a couple, about moving in and finding the first person who had ever _completed_ him.

Leaving Loki would be like leaving a part of his heart behind and he didn’t know if he could do that. But could he stay when Loki was... what he was?

Loki let out a shaky breath. “But you don’t have to.” 

His fingers dug into Tony’s back harshly before releasing. He smoothed down the area and made Tony shiver slightly. Loki shifted so that his forehead was resting directly on Tony’s shoulder but his hands still remained on Tony’s back.

“I won’t make you,” Loki continued, quiet and desolate, “You can always leave Tony, or,” he swallowed, “or I can. You don’t have to stay with me.”

Tony’s face contorted into something pained and before he could think about it he dropped his keys, dropped the mace and wrapped his arms around Loki’s back in a hug, pulling them even closer together.

He felt the breath in Loki’s chest leave him in a gasp before Tony told him, “Just... don’t go.”

Tony couldn’t agree to more than that, but it was enough to have Loki exhaling shakily and nodding against Tony’s neck. He didn’t try to kiss him, which Tony was grateful for, because he wasn’t sure he could have accepted that just yet. He wasn’t sure _what_ he could accept at this point, but knowing Loki would stay, that he would _stop_ (at least, for now, for a while) it was enough to slow the rapid beat of Tony’s heart.

It wasn’t enough, but it was a start.

And while Tony wouldn’t admit it to Loki, he was pretty sure that Loki knew, while Tony might have agreed to a trial, there was still no guarantee he could accept staying with Loki indefinitely. And there was no guarantee that even if he did, even if he _could_ , that Loki would be able to stop himself from killing someone else in the future.

_And if I do decide to stay and he does go back to killing criminals, what then?_

Tony swallowed and opened his eyes, staring at Loki’s mess of black hair and feeling the warmth of his lover’s body; the _love_ that he held for this man in every fibre of his being.

 _Then_ , Tony admitted to himself, _there’s a decision you’ll need to make._

And Tony had no idea just what he’d choose.

**Author's Note:**

> Now, before anyone asks, no, I am _not_ continuing this, lol. I feel like delving any further into this could wreck the fragile nature of their relationship and would come off... wrong. Writing this is delicate without it being annoying, messed up or dark soooo, I'll leave you to imagine it however you wish to/whether they can make the relationship work. So, yeah, heh. I hope you all liked it!


End file.
